Writing a funeral eulogy – what NOT to write

So you’ve been asked to say a few words at a funeral / memorial…

Public speaking is one thing, but speaking publicly at the funeral of a friend or family member is something even harder.   Because of the high amount of emotion, it’s imperative to prepare your words well.  This is not a good time to “wing it” and wait for the words to  come to you.  In the past, when watching folks make up their talk on the fly, several bad things tend to happen.

• They say things they didn’t want to say
• They miss saying something they should have said
• They ramble without a particular point
• They freeze and can’t think of anything to say.

The following suggestions are meant to be tips to make your eulogy . personal tribute concise, appropriate, moving and encouraging to those present.  The following ideas are in no particular order:

1. Shorter is always better than longer
2. Personal stories that make the deceased look good are always better than stories that make you look good
3. Stick with one or two stories tops,  More than 4 stories came make your talk very confusing for those of us who were not there at the events.
4. Stay away from inside jokes and stories.  Folks don’t appreciate feeling like an outsider.
5. Don’t try to be funny.  If you end up saying funny things, great.  Otherwise, don’t try to be the comedian.
6. This is not about you.
7. Don’t be preachy.  Don’t tell people what to do or think.  This is not your stage to push your personal agenda – even if the loved one held to your ideas and convictions
8. Refrain from crying and saying the words, “I’m sorry that I’m crying.”  It’s expected. You make us feel awkward when you apologize.   Cry, get yourself together and continue.
9. Be positive.  Always be positive.  Being negative about anything never flys.
10. Make sure that your story you’re planning on telling has a point.  This is not a good time to just tell random stories of the past.  Unless we were there, it won’t mean the same to the rest of us.